'Dancing With The Stars' Char Has Spoken!(Bleep)

Guest judge Cher certainly looked and felt at home on television’s most sparkly alternate universe during her intergalactic visit to Monday’s Dancing With the Stars.

The most subdued of the three judges (which is really saying something, namely that Bruno Tonioli and Carrie Ann Inaba are cuckoo), Cher gave out mostly 9s and compliments. But she was extremely amusing throughout the two-hour episode, threatening to “knee” Tonioli if he flailed too hard, upping her game from a demure sequined shift to a ridiculous feathered headdress for her second musical performance (watch it below), and dramatically delaying her score announcements as if conjuring up the paddles from the sleeves of her magical cloak.

At one point, during a critique of Elizabeth Berkley and Val Chmerkovskiy (Spiderweb Bodysuit and Shirtless)’s jazz routine set to her song “Bang Bang,” Cher endured one of the LONGEST BLEEPS EVER RECORDED. Damn that 10-second delay!

The bleep occurred right after Cher enthused that she’d liked “the rough part” of Elizabeth and Val’s adventures in burlesque. “I like it when…. [BIG LONG BLEEP],” Cher continued.

What does Cher herself think about that? The singer spoke to reporters before her "DWTS" appearance to talk about nerves, costumes and what she will be looking for.

Since Cher is not exactly a ballroom-dancing expert, she is a little nervous about being a judge. "I am so not qualified to be judging on a technical basis, because I don't know anything about ballroom dancing," Cher explained. "I don't want anyone to not have all the breaks they would have from someone with expertise. That's a little frightening!"

What is she worried about specifically? "I just don't want to be responsible for someone getting a different mark than a professional would give them," she said.

Fortunately, "Dancing with the Stars" has been coaching Cher as much as possible on what to expect. She also has a little help from her own family. Son Chaz Bono competed in Season 13 of the show and was stopping by on Friday night to give Mom some dancing tips.

In keeping with her diva status, Cher was much more confident when it came to costumes. "What do you think?" she asked when questioned about whether or not she had a costume picked out. "There's three of them. But it's not all what you'd think. It's not all beaded, because the dancers are taking care of that."

So does this judging stint mean that Cher might consider being a "DWTS" contestant herself? Don't hold your breath: "I think I wouldn't do it, because I would be too frightened," the singer explained.